B-Chan Blog #2 What the Hell am I doing?

In 2005, I met up with several friends and had an idea for a video game. I’ve been at it for twelve years and I’ve failed twice. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong right away, I was trying to gather funds, so I could pay people, and I would stay up all crazy hours of the night coding or writing my next script. My problem wasn’t one of drive, but rather one of planning and a lack of skill.

The plan could come later, but last year I decided to improve myself. Learn how to write, promote, give and take direction. I had to do this, but I couldn’t risk the project I’ve worked on for so long. It was when I was riding the bus home and had a particularly bad day when I thought, “Hey, my tax return should be coming soon so I should upgrade my PC.” I started looking in to different builds, motherboards, and graphics cards. With a little luck and help from a much more seasoned PC user than I, my first custom PC was made, and my new persona was born.

“B-Chan” as I would soon to be known as is my own attempt at connecting with the world. I’ve always had a knack for making friends and while I may do things that could only be described as unintentionally awkward I am funny, intelligent and a good person. That was the first thing I needed to learn about myself as I started this journey.

I had a couple of other YouTube buddies who made videos and did the same work I wanted to do. Some were nice enough to be regular guests along with several close friends. I was playing games and releasing cont

ent when I could, however I still wasn’t getting much in terms of likes or fan interaction. Then one day a fellow online personality ended up sharing something a friend of his made. He never shared anything of mine and what he said kind of resonated with me. I don’t know if it was me he was talking about, but it set something in motion that needed to happen for a while.

Depression can be tricky in the sense that its not something that ever truly goes away. At least in my case I had to keep coming up with reasons to keep myself busy. But the depression hit deeper than I thought, somewhere along the way I had lost my voice, and I could feel it too. It was to the point that I almost had to force myself to feel anything.

A few months ago, I responded to an online ad for a site known as The Over Powered Noob. They were looking for content writers and they were willing to give anyone a chance. I wrote my first piece and turned it in. My editor said it was good, but it was lacking something. He suggested I take the weekend off then get back to it. That weekend turned in to three weeks for various reasons but during that time I took his advice and rediscovered my voice.

Looking back at this year and other past works I realized what I stated earlier, I didn’t have bad ideas, I was just shit with the execution. But spending these past 365 days as B-Chan has helped me immensely in my goal to be a game designer. I’ve met plenty of fellow writers, voice actors, programmers, artists and cosplayers. I was able to establish contacts and get more acknowledgement from my peers than I ever had just blindly promoting a game.

The only way success can be truly measured is by the one who is working. It’s not uncommon to reach for the stars and its encouraged but we can be successful even if we don’t get to do exactly what we want. After so many long years my first game is about to be released and I was even lucky enough to immortalize one of my heroes in my work. If you’re curious as to who the actress is, I left a hint above.

I am grateful for my jobs and the industry I work in. I’ve been a fan of CBI for years and now I’m getting to become a content writer for Outright Geekery. As cliché as it sounds, while I did have the support of those who believed in me, none of this would have been possible without accepting my failures and never giving up.

And that’s what I want to do with my work, write articles and tell stories for future generations to pursue their goals. In a world that highlights success more often than we should, many of us forget that it takes hard work and persistence. Which is why my image for my personal blog page is Maya Amana. Like me, she is an article writer and always promote a positive attitude no matter what life throws.